awinterbornrose: (Purple Moon)
And here we go again, good news tho, we're halfway in the book, so yay. As usual, snark in purple.

Not Mike Newton’s eyes, because I couldn’t stand any more of his offensive fantasies, and not Jessica Stanley’s, because her resentment towards Bella made me angry in a way that was not safe for the pretty girl.

 
On Mike: Teenager have hormones, teenager have fantasies. Get the fuck over it, I refuse to believe in all the years that Edward’s been alive he hasn’t “seen” any fantasies… oh wait, my bad. None of those involved Bella.
 

On Jessica: Edward, thoughts and actions are two very different things. Learn to know how to make a difference on that.


I was surprised watching her stumble through the day [...]
It was true that she often had trouble staying upright.
She was clumsy.
I didn't know why this was so funny to me, but I laughed out loud [...]
There was nothing graceful about her now. Mr. Varner watched as she caught the toe of her boot on the crapet and literally fell on the chair.
I laughed again.

I mean, c’mon Meyer, if she’s so clumsy how the hell is she still alive? You almost make her sound like if she were a danger to herself.

And isn’t Edward cute? Laughing at Bella for being clumsy while he’s so perfect. Who doesn’t like that? [Mind my sarcasm, again]


Can I talk to Bella now?

Alice, do you really need his approval? You could be Bella’s friend regardless of Edward’s douchery.

The moment Bella walked through the door, her eyes flashed to the table my siblings sat. She stared for a moment, and then her forehead crumpled and her eyes dropped to the floor. She hadn’t noticed me there.

She looked so…sad.

Let us all take a wild guess as to why Bella had a sad, yes?
[Let’s be honest here, we all know why]


I motioned with my finger for her to join me. She looked so startled by this that I wanted to tease her again.

So I winked, and her mouth fell open.

Guys, I’m seriously laughing my ass off at the mental image of Edward winking, let alone crooking his finger in a “come hither” manner.

You fail Meyer, big time.

She stumbled twice on her way to my table, though there was nothing on her way but perfectly even linoleum.

^Really Meyer, really?!

“I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.”

Rude much, Edward? I mean, c’mon she just sat at your table and that’s the first thing that comes out?!

My stalker had better manners.


I laughed at her expression. “You look worried.” It really shouldn’t be funny… she should worry.

Someone please explain this to me: How is Edward supposed to be this paragon of masculinity that we find desirable?


“Yes—giving up trying to be good.” And, apparently, trying to be casual. “I’m going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.”

Number 1: Bella has no fucking clue what he’s talking about.
Number 2: Who talks this way?
Number 3: Edward, you aren’t good. I’m getting tired of telling you that.


“Well, we can try, I suppose. But I’m warning you now that I’m not a good friend for you.”

Then why, in the seven levels of hell are you going after her?



Yeah, I remember, he’s in love.


“You say that a lot.”
“Yes, because you’re not listening to me,” I said, too intense again. “I’m still waiting for you to believe it. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid me.”

Edward = Douchebag. Yes/yes?


I mean, c’mon. He’s the one who’s going after her, not her (not yet any way)! So please, Edward, unless you actually give her a reason* why, she won’t take you seriously.

*Ignoring her for a whole month and some of the insults he’s already thrown her way would be good enough for me, but hey, this is Bella.


“As long as I’m being… not smart, we’ll try to be friends?”
“That sounds about right.”

Self respect Bella, do you know what that means?! Run for the hills, you still can save yourself.


“No, I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all—just because someone
refuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic little
remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could
possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?”
I frowned at her, upset to realize that she was right. I wasn’t being fair.

Holy shit! Bella was feisty for a moment! And it was justified! And Edward admitted a wrong! I’m shocked.

“I don’t like double standards.” Bella says this.

Oh, now that’s just rich coming from you Meyer.

“Your boyfriend seems to think I’m being unpleasant to you—he’s debating
whether or not to come break up our fight.” I would love to see him try. I laughed again.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” she said in an icy voice. “But I’m sure you’re wrong any way.”

I very much enjoyed the way she disowned him with her dismissive sentence.

Ok, Edward, you said “your boyfriend”. You never said “Mike Newton…” she doesn’t know who the fuck you’re talking about. She’s not a mind reader.

Christ on a cracker.


“That’s not very creative,” I chided her, trying to hide my fresh relief.

Why is he such a condescending asshole? Why?

Of course I was bad. Wasn’t I rejoicing now, that she thought better of me than I deserved? If I were a good person, I would have stayed away from her.

Honestly now, I read the four previous books and I still don’t understand why some people think Edward is good. I just don’t. I have the odd feeling we weren’t reading the same book.

“Well, I’m going,” she said. This didn’t surprise me. She was responsible—she always did the right thing.

Edward, you don’t know Bella (yet). You aren’t qualified to say she’s responsible or say that she always does the right thing. ‘Cause she doesn’t. You’re just biased.

And, by the way, I adore you… in frightening, dangerous ways.

Of course you do.

“Put me down,” she ordered in a weak voice—embarrassed again, I guessed from her expression. She didn’t like to show weakness.

You know, some people don’t like being carried around, you know?


She nodded, understanding now. “There’s always one.”
I stiffed a laugh. Trust Bella to be that one.

One of my bffs faints with needles and he fainted at the story of one survivor of female mutilation. I fail to see Edward, how that is funny.

I personally feel weak at the sight of blood and I can’t stand seeing operations. The more I read this, the more I dislike Edward.

I tried to disguise my laughter with coughing.

Douche.


Why did Bella have to be so difficult?

Dude, no one’s making you stay there, nor being Bella’s care taker. You willingly did.


“Honestly—I’ve seen corpses with better color.”

I won’t even touch the how he’s seen those corpses. But I will say this: You deserve to be punched.

What’s up with all those insults to Bella? How does that make him desirable?

Her concern was surely just pity. She was kind. That was all.

I know this is Bella whom we’re talking about, but she could have been concerned out of care, you know. Some people do care about others.

Just throwing it out there.


Her small nose wrinkled. “I smelled the blood.”

And with this quote mrs. Meyer tries to further hint that Bella’s special by having her smell the blood from another student who’s entering the nurse's office.


“Well, I can—that’s what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt.”

See my previous comment.

She acted human…sort of. But she didn’t think like a human, or respond like one.

That’s because she’s a Mary-Sue, Edward.

And by the way, how does a human act? How does a human think? How does a human respond? Explain Edward.

Her eyelashes fluttered, and her heart sped up. Too young, get a hold of yourself!

Barf.

We get it Meyer, we really do. Every female wants Edward
.

Normal human girls wouldn’t raise their faces to the drizzle that way; normal human girls usually wore makeup, even here in this wet place.

Really Meyer, really?!

I refuse to believe that all girls are so concerned about their faces to never enjoy dancing on the rain, to never play under it or to raise their faces to it.


Stop this bullshit, Bella isn’t a special snowflake.

If there is something I hate is this "not like other girls" trope. Why? Because there is NOTHING wrong with other girls. So what if you want to wear make up? So what if they don't? They aren't less women if they do or don't. It's just a simple personal preference. Lord.

“Mike-schmike,” she said, dismissive again. I smiled widely.

Bitch.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I was almost angry that she was leaving me.

And here it comes, the Twilight scene that pissed me off so much I had to stop reading, play Josh Groban’s music and eat chocolate.

“Didn’t you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I’m going to let you drive in your condition?”

You know, I would have asked to call home… oh wait, martyr Bella. She doesn’t like bothering people.


I pulled her back to my car carefully, as I knew that walking forward was challenging enough for her.

“Let go!” she said, twisting sideways and nearly tripping.

Tequila, how do I love you? Let me count the shots.

“I’ll just drag you back,” I promised, enjoying the chagrin on her face when she realized I meant it.

Tequila, my old friend, good to drink you again.


Ok, he’s enjoying her chagrin. And this is douche is some women ideal man?
We’re fucked.


“This is completely unnecessary,” she said coldly. I thought she looked embarrassed under the pique.

Edward, she might actually be pissed at you for actually threatening her to drag her to your car.


Of course, you know and understand Bella better than she does herself… *rolls eyes*

Bella smiled. “She looks a lot like me, but she’s prettier.”
I doubted that.

Ahh, Bella’s ugly duckling thinking rears it head.

“I have too much Charlie in me,” she went on. “She’s more outgoing than I am, and braver.”
I doubted that, too.

You know what, I hate agreeing with Bella, but I’m sure her mother is both of those things. Oh and Bella? It’s called DNA, it comes from both parents.

“She’s irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she’s a very unpredictable cook. But she’s my best friend.”

1.- Bella always had food on the table, clean clothes and a roof over her head. Not a single word of abuse, nor did she lack education, nor did she work. Thus, René was a responsible parent.
2.- She always had her medical emergencies and non emergencies tended.
3.- What’s wrong about being eccentric?
4.- You know, being an unpredictable cook has it advantages. You never fall into a routine.
5.- “Best friend”? Yeah right, Bella. Keep telling that to yourself. I'm calling Bull.


Again, she sounded more like a parent than child.

I doubt your judgment, Edward. I really do.

She laughed again, then sighted. “Well, someone has to be the adult.”

See the comment #1 on René being irresponsible.

I could see it now…how the irresponsible mother helped explain Bella’s maturity.

Bullshit, some people mature faster than other. Irresponsible parents or not.

“Does it matter?” she asked. “I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants.”
The unselfishness of her comment would have shocked me, except that it fit in all too well with what I learned of her character.

Meyer, you don’t know a lot of single mothers, do you?

Little story: I’m a single mother's child, whose father has never been in the picture. And nothing would make me happier than seeing my mother happy.

If she were to find a good man who made her happy, who respected her and loved her, I would be terribly happy for her. Because she has sacrificed a lot for me, and seeing her happy would be terrific.

That doesn’t make me unselfish; it makes me a decent person. And hopefully, a good daughter who wants her mother happy.

Do you understand that, Edward?


“Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?”

I can only speak for my mother but, her thought process would be something among the lines of:

Does he love her? Does he respect her and treat her well? Is he a good man? Does he treat her like an equal? Does he work?

Yes to all the above? Be happy, dear.


“I’m sure he’s already heard. There are no secrets in Forks.” She said the name of the town with distinct distaste.

You know Bella, schools kind notify parents when their kid is sick and was sent/needs to go home*. It’s just not gossip.

*They do so in my neck of the woods.


“What are you going to do?” she asked, not sounded happy with my revelation.

Gee, I wonder why.

As I stared at her, I began to feel almost agonized at the thought of saying even a temporarily goodbye.

*rolls eyes* I wonder why.

Run, Bella, run. I love you too much, for your good or mine.

There it is, that word again: Love.
However I would like an explanation on how or why Edward came to love her, her bacon worthy scent doesn’t count.


Just like an angry kitten that believes it’s a tiger.

Why do you have to be such an asshole? And on top of that you are a condescending asshole.

I don’t like you Edward. Not one bit.

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