awinterbornrose: (Cassian)
And here we go again, as usual, snark & commentary is in purple.

I hovered, invisible in the shadows, where I could follow the object of my love and obsession.

Because that is totally not creepy at all.

Anything that pleased her was in my good graces.

So… besides the sun, almost nothing? Just asking.

From the faintly smug expression on her face, hers was already done.

How come no one notices when Bella’s being a smug bitch but Edward? Oh yes, they worship the ground she walks on.

“Really, Mike, are you blind?”
I echoed her sentiment.

Unless Jessica has said: “Hey, Mike. Look I like you and would like to go out with you.” He really doesn’t have a clue, we women, can be very subtle.

He was off then, on to new fantasies that were just as vulgar as the ones about Bella, but now they only irritated me rather than infuriated.

Oh heaven forbid men (or women) have fantasies, right Edward? We all must always remain pure of thoughts as to not bother you.

As if she knew I was watching, as if she took pity on the agony I felt when I couldn’t see her, Bella came out to the backyard after long indoors hours.

Overdramatic I tell you.

Ah—more classics. She was an Austen fan.

Meyer, I dare you to read Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder and try to understand the book before the end. I might give you an ounce of respect that I don’t currently have for you.

Ps. See, I can name drop books too!

How condescendingly I’d once judged Emmett for his thoughtless ways and Jasper for his lack of discipline.

Well, at least he acknowledges it. Now I would like to see an apology:

“Emmett, Jasper. I am sorry for being a condescending asshole and feeling above you both”

What? I can dream!

But I couldn’t ignore the rainbow sparkles that reflected onto her skin when I got closer.

Be right back, laughing my ass off.

She was dreaming of fictional characters. So much for my conceit.

Yours truly is still laughing.

I heard her worry aloud about leaving her father to prepare dinner alone, and smiled at this proof of my theory—yes, she was a care-taker.

Yeah Bella, ‘cause you know, Charlie hasn’t been living on his own for about 17 years. I’m surprise he didn’t starved to death.

I would not trespass her privacy the way the peeping tom would. I was here for her protection, […]

Yeah no. You’re still a very creepy peeping tom.

[…] not to leer like Mike Newton no doubt would, were he agile enough to move through the treetops the way I could. I would not treat her so crassly.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say that even Mike would know that climbing to other people’s houses is seriously messed up.

And of course Edward would never treat her crassly… he’s a gentleman.

I went for the shortest of hunting trips, contenting myself with smaller, gentler creatures that did not taste as good as the hunters […]

Yeah, it’s ok, at the end of the day he’s totally not fucking the ecosystem, right?

I would never be able to bear following behind them, driving at the speed limit—hideous thought.


But of course, perfect Edward Cullen could never cause a car crush right? Since Edward’s reflexes are so good, so does the car.

This love story she envisioned for me for me was careening towards tragedy more perceptibly every moment.

Oh Esme, please get another hobby.

Let me know when I’m allowed to talk to Bella.

Oh Alice, you’re pathetic and annoying.

You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you missed the game last night just to watch somebody sleep, Emmett grumbled.

Emmett tells it like it is. I like him.

It was a relief to be in motion, to know that I was getting closer to Bella with every mile that flew away under my tires.

Hurray for not giving a damn about transit rules!
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