awinterbornrose: (Cassian)
As per usual, my snark is in purple. Have fun.

Oh man, this chapter doesn’t start well; it starts of course with female cattiness.

Bella still looks pissed. Ha ha. I can’t believe she’s so upset about it, though. At least she has a back up date for the prom.

Does he think she’s prettier than me? Does she think she’s prettier than me?
Does she really think that? Or does she want me to look like a cow on Saturday.

Ahh the fresh smell of female insecurity and cattiness. I love this series. [Mind my sarcasm ladies and gents.]

So, she was furious about Tyler’s presumption.

I have something to say: I was once in a situation close to Bella’s, however I wasn't furious. I was bothered. You know what I did? Talk to that person and let him know I was my own person, thank you very much, and that he shouldn’t speak for me. Ever.

Problem solved.

In Bella’s case she is, of course, too nice to say: Tyler, you’re a nice guy, but I just like you like a friend. And I don’t like dances, have fun.

This didn’t look like the kind of place Bella would be interested in—to new age for her practical person.

Don’t you love when Edward jumps into assumptions? I mean he doesn’t know her at all. So what if the store is new age? Maybe Bella likes to see stuff. I’m incredibly practical but, by God, do I love new age stores [Dragons!]

Was she lost? The possibility didn’t sound entirely out of character.

Bella = danger to self.
I get Meyer. I do.

…I think the baby has another ear infection… [trivial thought, according to Edward]

Yeah, worried mom (or dad), so very trivial.

Bella was not his first victim.

Here comes Edward the savior.

“Stay away from me” her voice was low and steady, not a scream.

You know, didn’t Charlie give her pepper spray? Hasn’t anyone told her that it’s better to be loud and cause a scene? Hell, to kick him in the crotch?

Oh wait, this is every-girl Bella.

You know what’s the irony in this? I read in Jezebel once about a 12 year old girl who scared off a possible kidnapper by faking a 911 call with her ipod touch. A 12 year old. Let that sink in and then shake your head at Meyer.

But Bella locked her jaw and brace herself.

Scream for help you dimwit.

He was surprised—he’d expected her to try to run.

It’s common sense, Edward. One runs from danger.

Brave, this one. Maybe better, I guess… more fight in her.

Ok, so she’s brave for not trying to get away? Unless he has a gun, she does have a chance to run.

The monster could hear the roar of my engine now, but he paid no attention, too intent on his victim.

This is happening in a small town, Bella could get away unless she’s at the end of a dead end alley, she could run and enter a store and ask the clerk for help…

Oh wait, that’s logic, there’s no logic in Twilight.

He was in the road, crossing towards her.

And she hasn’t TRIED to do anything? It’s called survivor instinct. Bella doesn’t have it.

When did she ever do what I ask? When did she ever do the safe thing?

Ok dude, shut up. You’re annoying me beyond human comprehension, she has no obligation to do what you ask, since you know, you two have been friends for a grand total of what, a month? Weeks?

Please explain me what is the safe thing? Because so far, it was foolish to wonder off on her own, but other than that, what has she done?

Like a magnet, she drew all things dangerous towards herself. I could not let her out of my sight.

I’m not even going to comment on the first part, we have been beaten over the head with Bella having shitty luck and being a klutz.

The second part? Oh Edward, as if you needed an excuse.

I tore through the town, ignoring all traffic guides.

Yay for being a responsible Cullen.

She wanted to know if I was okay.

Well, you did show up out of thin air speeding, made your car spin, told her to get in and are now driving like a maniac.

Can’t say I blame her.

“No,” I realize, and my tone seethed with rage.

Dude, you’re not helping the situation, calm down.

Even if she wasn’t at constant risk for some infuriating reason—some joke the universe was playing on me—even if I could be sure that she would be perfectly safe in my absence, I could not leave her alone in the dark.
Way to make this situation about you, Edward. Because of course it’s the universe conspiring against you.

Never mind she’s the one who falls down, gets cut, nearly crushed, nearly (possibly) gang raped. Oh no, this is about you.

“Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down,” I instructed, my jaw still locked.

Oh geez, never mind the one who should be scared or nervous it’s her. No, never mind, do as he says commands Bella.

Like it had been before, the thread of violence coming through her lips was so hilarious—so comical it was jarring.

Dude, my cousin is 5’ (and was 16 at the time) and she rugby tackled a dude that was 5’11” out of anger and held him down and beat him, badly. True fact.

(Memo to men and teen boys: Street harassment is not cool and is very unwanted. Even when you’re “throwing a compliment” to someone of your own school)
(Second memo: Never mess with any member of this family, we’ll hunt you down. We have a bad temper.)

“He’s telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom,” she said, her voice filled with her tiger-kitty anger.

For once, I sympathize with Bella. Been there, punched that. Can someone please explain to me, why Edward needs to degrade her verbally, always?

Sure she may not be able to kill, but anger can be real. Oh teen years, how I didn’t like them.

She didn’t seem to understand the appeal she held for the human boys at the high school.

Of course not, because Bella’ so ugly and not perfect like you.

I was trying to be good enough for her. It was an impossible goal. I would keep trying.

Whatever you say Edward.

Was she in shock? Maybe tonight’s events hadn’t sunk in yet.

And they never will, she has no survival instinct. Or common sense.

Every inch closer I got to the town, the harder it was to hold on to my purpose.

Woah, Bella left town? On her own? I thought she just had gone a few blocks away.
Mind blown.

Jessica and Angela were finished eating, and now were truly worried about Bella.

Just how quick did they eat? How much time passed? Hell, how big is Port Angels that two people eat at leisure while everything else happened?

It couldn’t be more than a few minutes. Oh wait… logic.

Was this because she wasn’t used to being treated like a lady, or because she didn’t think of me as a gentleman?

No Edward, no. Girls and women are capable of opening car door on their own without breaking. Being treated like a lady or you being a “gentleman” has nothing to do with it.

She must be in shock. That was the only explanation for her calm.

Lack of survival instincts is another.

The horror was going to come crushing down on her momentarily, and an empty stomach wouldn’t help.

How about you take her home instead?

Whether that was the case or not, she was going to eat something.

Dude, the last person who said to me something remotely close to that, it was my mother.

He can’t be with her. [Waitress at the restaurant]

Female jealousy at its fines, thank you Meyer!

How could this small-minded woman find my physical lures—snares for prey—attractive, and yet be unable to see the soft perfection of the girl besides me?

*Insert massive eye roll here*
Edward, not every woman thinks other women are attractive. I don’t find Angelina Jolie beautiful and yet a lot of people do. You get where I’m going?

People were invariably cooperative when money was involved.

No, not everyone.

Why does he want privacy with her?

Meyer, please stop pretending you know people. And this crap about every female wanting Edward is absurd.

Just letting you know that.

…maybe I’ll write my number on his plate with ketchup…

*le sigh*
How tragic, listen waitress: You can do better!

“I dazzle people?”
“You haven’t notice?” she asked, still critical.

Funny thing that Edward was mentally berating Mike for not noticing Jessica’s attraction to him, but he’s “surprised” at the fact that he “dazzles”.

“I don’t think that will happen. I’ve always been very good at repressing unpleasant things,” she answered, a little breathless.

Is that even healthy? Just repressing everything? I’m going to say: No.

Did she have a lot of practice with unpleasant things, then? Was her life always this hazardous?

Funny how those ‘unpleasant’ things never get mentioned. Ever.

“You should be—a normal person would be. You don’t even look shaken.”

Not everyone reacts with shock in certain situations, for some, the adrenaline pumps faster and they don’t feel shock.

She didn’t recognize danger the way a human being should be able to.

That’s ‘cause she’s a Mary-Sue.

“I followed you to Port Angels,”

I’d be creeped out. But then again, I had a stalker.

She was the furthest thing from normal I’d encountered.

Mary-Sue, ‘nuff said

She was too vulnerable for this world.

Oh c’mon.

Date: 2017-05-06 04:38 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] swiftsnowmane
swiftsnowmane: (Default)
Haha, wow. This one's a real doozy. But then I expected it, given that it was the chapter dealing with Edward 'rescuing' Bella. :p

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