awinterbornrose: (Tony2)
Welcome again, as usual my snark/commentary is in purple.

“I thought we were past all the evasiveness,” she said, her tone critical and disappointed.

 
Dear Bella, you’ve been friends for a grand total of two weeks, maybe? And you just expect him to cough up everything you want to know?
 
Good one.


“My mind doesn’t work right? She asked, her voice rising with chagrin. “I’m a freak?”

Well Bella, you are right. You’re messed up, badly. But not for the reason you're thinking right now.

“Keep your eyes on the road!” she shouted.
“I’ve never been in an accident Bella. I never even gotten a ticket.” I grinned at her and touched my forehead.

Douche, at least look at the road!
This makes me angry, there are people who sometimes cross the street without looking or running and could get killed. Another is that there could be an accident and he’s not going to have time to break.

Yay for not giving a damn.


“Build in radar detector.”

Really Meyer, really?

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I inclined.

Fan-fucking-tastic.
Let’s clap and cheer when he slaughters defenseless people.


She felt guilty? What could she possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?

…Were do I start…
Ahem! Yeah, Bella’s awkward flirting with Jacob was ridiculous, but hey we all do flirt. But then again, we usually don’t flirt in order to get information. Unless you’re into that.

No judgment here.

And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted?

‘Cause she’s a special snowflake who should get everything she wants, right? And she's so special she doesn't have to work for anything, right Eddikins?


“I did some search on the internet.”
Ever practical.

Meyer, why couldn’t YOU do said research better? Why?

“You don’t care that I’m a monster? If I’m not human?”
“No.”
I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.

I’m going to say no. ‘Cause I’m a bitch like that. And also because I've read every book of the series [not saga] and she's pretty much lacks common sense.

She was in pain. How had I allowed this?

You actually didn’t. Bella’s been in “love” with you for a while now… for no real reason whatsoever.


“Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people,” she said, still anguished.

Dear God, Bella. You choose the most ridiculous things to anguish for.
[Just to clarify: My problem with Edward isn’t the fact that he’s a “vampire”, it’s that he’s a douche.]


I’ve noticed that people—men in particular—are crabbier when they’re hungry.

*Sigh*
Meyer, what did I tell you about you not knowing people?


People get crabby for a lot of reasons, not just because they’re hungry. Case in point: when I’m pmsing, I’m bitchier than usual. And that doesn't take away that I have a horrible temper.

But she was dead right, as usual.

Edward, just because what she said applied to you, doesn’t mean she’s right. She’s an idiot.
You’ve been crabby because you’re restraining yourself not to nom her, and bitching about how she’s ruining your life.


“I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse—and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett’s nerves.”

*Le sigh*
I give up, I really do. Bella = walking possible death waiting to happen.


“Then why weren’t any of you in school?” she demanded. Her irritation confused me.

Remember what you mentally told Mike? About being blind to Jessica’s affections? Yeah, well…
Obvious reason is obvious.


“I didn’t like it,” she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. “Not seeing you. It makes me anxious too.”

Co-dependency.

I mean, it’s ridiculous to think this is a “love story”. There is nothing here that makes their interactions romantic or at least courtship-like.

He smelled her bacon scent = ♥
He’s handsome and rude to her = ♥


Are you listening to me Meyer? I’m a romantically challenged woman, and even I know this sucks and this isn’t enough grounds to call you shitty wish fulfillment series a “love story” that’s better than certain ones you’ve trashed.


Bella cared for me too.

*Rolls eyes*
Of course she does.


Enough to cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her.

Someone please call the people in white, Bella needs them badly.


“Ah,” I groaned to myself. “This is wrong.”
“What did I say?” she asked, quick to take the blame on herself.

Your martyr-doom is ridiculous Bella. Someone please call the people in white, please.

“No.” Her lips pouted petulantly.

Man, I hate this woman. If there’s one thing I can’t stand is an obnoxiously petulant person.
I've sadly met a lot them.


Agony. “Are you crying?” I’d made her cry. I’d hurt her that much.

Christ on a cracker Bella, you’re absolutely pathetic and ridiculous. I don’t like you, so a guy is turning you down. It’s not the end of the motherfucking world, you know?

… But yeah, I keep forgetting, Edward Cullen is turning you away. That is… agonizingly painful.


“I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker,” she said, her voice more composed.

Screaming bloody murder and a well aimed kick in the crotch works, you know?
And before you jump into my jugular, a guy once tried to pull me away and take me. My immediate reaction? A kick.


He let go immediately and I started to be loud and people began to stop to ask what was wrong, creepy dude bolted. And while I am aware that some people do freeze up (and I totally sympathize and don't blame them, a kick is a good indicator that you're willing to fight). 

Her heartbeat stuttered and her lips fell open.

I am having a really silly mental image with that phrase. I really am. Also: how can a heartbeat stutter?

She couldn’t love me the way I loved her—such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break her fragile body.

1.- Barf
2.- Don’t be stupid Edward, of course she does.
3.- Breaking Dawn’s morning after. Enough said.

Silk over glass… frighteningly breakable.

*Sigh* Barf. Over dramatic and ridiculous. Who describes someone as silk over glass?

She’s very good for you, isn’t she? So much compassion, so much control. I’m impressed.

What Edward did, isn’t compassion. He’s only thinking about other women now because of Bella.
He wouldn’t have given a damn had Bella not being targeted.
Yeah, I have a very low opinion on Edward, can’t you tell?


Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for Bella to have the life she deserved.

Yes, Edward, life’s out to get Bella.

Go, Edward, he told me gently. I’ll make sure the rest of them safe. You get back to Bella.

Yay for Carlisle tipping the police… *snort*

I returned to the rocking chair.

I’m totally having a mental image of the movie Misery. And it’s totally creepy.

With a heedless smile on her lips, her sky colored eyes full of mischief, the angel formed Bella in such a fashion that there was no way I could possibly overlook her.

Apparently even divine creatures see fit to mess with Edward’s life by making Bella… well, Bella.


In this vision, I was not Bella’s sentence. She was my reward.

Well, I guess he chose to see it as the glass being half full.

A vampire angel—there was a stretch.

Be. Right. Back. I’m laughing my ass off.
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